


Recovery

by AHeadFullofDreams0



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Crack Relationships, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kanzaki Gay 2K17, Multi, Slow To Update, Too Much Little Suffering, flower meaning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-10-11 23:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10476537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHeadFullofDreams0/pseuds/AHeadFullofDreams0
Summary: They were broken kids who just had to grown up fast.





	1. 『 Prelude 』

It was shining, in his nightmare. He didn't know why though. Nightmares where supposed to be dark, to make you want to scream, to wake up and stare at the wall with that feeling of hands trying to reach you in the corner.

But this one was rather nice, calming.

He knew he was dreaming because there wasn't any kind of light like that in his room, so warm and so-not artificial, he could even fell the grass in his knees, for some reason (why, though?).

But the nightmare was there, he knows. The light was more like blood now, splitted everywhere in everyone there. Nagisa's cry was the first to rumble in his ears; loud, sad, full of sorrow. And he wanted to express the burning he started to feel inside since he grabbed a tentacle, too, with big and salty tears ready to roll down from his face.

And he did.

So did everyone who knew Koro-sensei.

He didn't wake up from that nightmare.

So did everyone who knew Koro-sensei.


	2. 『 Daffodil 』

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa cut's his hair for the first time.

It's the first time he does it. His mother let him, after the graduation -he didn't want to think about, not at the moment, at the very least, when it still feels like drowing in pain and happy memories of what could have been a bad year. He had talked with his mother about it, weeks before high school and he wanted to grow a little bit -mother looked at him in the eye, for the first time like a mother would see a _son_ , and smiled.

("Of course you can, Nagisa!" she said, in a way too forced happy tone to his liking, but she was trying to make all the years of make up and pink clothes. So he didn't mind, he was grateful.)

So he let his hair loose, long stands of light-blue hair reaching his shoulders and giving him a fancy, delicated look. He's suddenly disgusted and a tight knot in his stomach, twisting it in a unwanted way.

This was going to be his first haircut.

All those years with his mother telling him to let it long, keeping scissors away so he can't cut it, where now ending. He just needed to grab the scissors in front of him and just cut it.

Why did it feel like a big deal right at the moment?

The knot in his stomach was now a snake around his heart. And his hands were sweaty and shaking. But he doesn't exactly catch the reason as to why it feels like that. A part of him (the one that is still scared and anxious about his mother and her wishes for a dauther) wants to leave it be, to never ever cut those long stands. But the part that wanted freedom and peace wanted, for a long time, to _just grab the scissors_ and end with it.

He grabs a stand with his right hand, a wave of determination suddenly filling in him in-the snake was, again, a knot in his stomach-. The stand in his hand feels smooth and very light at touch. He realizes, suddenly, that he maybe got even better hair than Rio -the idea makes him smile.

Scissors in the left hand... and a _zas_ later,

It overwhelms him the feeling of hair falling to the floor, and how light his head feels even when he didn't really cut that much. His lips part and close, and the little mirror in the bathroom waves gently in his eyes.

It takes him a while to notice that he's crying and that his mother was there too. Watching with sorrow and tears of her own at the broken view of his stuggle.

"Mom..." his voice shakes a little, and he curses himself for it.

His mother hugs him, it feels tender and warm and Nagisa feels like he wanted more hugs like that from his mother. She grabs the scissors from his hand and tries to smile.

"Let me do it." she says as the hand that was free now grabs another stand and looks at it with something like regret.

When she ends, with lots of light-blue hair in his shoulder and the floor, he feels relief at the image in that little mirror in his bathroom. Him with really short hair and bangs to the side, it look well on him, he notices. A little smile forms in his face, and he feels like crying again.

"It really looks good."

Why did a haircut felt like a big deal?

 


	3. 『 Violet 』

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanzaki liked girls.

Kanzaki liked girls. She knew that in her half last year in middle school, when she was in a sleepover with Kayano, Okuda and Rio in her own house (oh, how she had to beg for that to happen) when they were playing truth or dare, in an attempt to kill the sleep hunting the young girls, and she was asked if she liked girls or boys, directly, from Rio.

"I don't really know" was her sincere answer.

And it was true, she didn't think of it never once in her life, more because she didn't really care about it. But somehow it stick with her for at least a month, when she couldn't sleep well or anytime she was left alone. And she came with an answer, a cold morning of December: she liked girls.

Since then, she was more aware of her surroundings, that Kayano had beautiful eyes, Okuda had quite the cute personality and Okano had kissable, rosy lips. But Yada Touka was the one she liked the most.

Yada Touka was lesbian too.

She didn't tell anyone, not even Sugino, who was very friendly with her since the very beginning, out of fear of what they would think of her. She didn't want her friends to dissapear so easily and because of a little nothing, and it was really painful hide herself from the people who trusted her. Many nights worrying if she was just being paranoid (is that dissaproving look in your eyes for me, Okano? Was I too obvious in some way?) or if she secretly didn't trust herself to come out (Why am I like this? I trust them). The thoughts killing her softly until the end of the year.

Until it's last year and everyone is saying their goodbyes and heading to a new future, her included. Picking an all girls school more because of the relief that there would, maybe, be more girls that liked girls. Not that her mother knew, nor that her father could think of that possibility.

In their first reunion as ex companions -when it still somewhat hurt to see their faces, memories burning in their throat- in a karaoke close to Isogai's working place and were everyone except Okuda, Nagisa and Karma were present, she shared her first kiss with Yada Touka. In the girls bathroom.

The kiss was sweet and Yada's lips were soft in hers and seemed to fit just right. Many emotions emaning in her chest, passion and heat and happiness-. And it felt glorious, full of bliss, just like book described it in a chessy and cliché way, like the feeling of reaching the sky or the chest to small for your beating heart and it was soft, warm, _wet_. She felt hesitantly dazed, in her mind still the fact that it was not in a private place -like she had fantasized so many times-.

"You know, I like girls" was what she had said later, when they took a moment to breathe for that damn oxygen they seemed to need to live. She noted that her lipstick was all over the other girl mouth, and it looked good on her, she had to admit.

"Yeah, me too" and then they kissed again. And it felt better, with Yada's tongue making her way to her mouth. And soon enough, it she felts numb and neither of them know where one mouth began and the other ended. Placing a warm right hand in the other girl's blushing cheek and sensing the other putting her two hands in the back of her neck. She moaned quietly and smiled in the kiss.

Kamzaki got her first and, she hoped in her heart the only one, girlfriend that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that the lesbian symbolic flower is the violet?


	4. 『 Sedum 』

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okuda is bullied.

She looked at her inside shoes in the garbage can, lavender eyes almost emotionless. It was the second time, she counted those moments in her head a day each. Her shoulder were low, and her spine was bending down, always giving her a look at her socks, full of dirt when she had to go home.

She wondered if it was because she wasn't the talkative type, or maybe it was because she was a meek girl. Slowly, the things she had grasped in her last year at Kunugigaoka were slipping through her slender -and slowly, cold- fingers.

It was at those moments, socks full of dirt in a slow foot drag with her inside shoes in her hands, were she would suddenly feel drowning in a sudden wave of so many feeling. She couldn't grap them, nor know them. And she was aware of that, aware that maybe one day Kanzaki-san or Yukimura-san would see a bruise in her cheek or that Karma-kun would see it _all._

She didn't want that.

She didn't want to bring more pain to her friends, to her ex-classmates with such a little thing. Copping with Koro-sensei's death and a new kind of life -away from the "E", away from the glares, the assassination plans- to be ruined because of _her_ problems.

Maybe it would end.

Maybe the eyes and the laughs would see her not worthy even to be laughed at, that she was already too broken for them to play with her insecurities and leave her alone for once.

The feeling of water in her head and a loud splash made a way into her head, interrumping sad thoughs.

"Oh, I'm _so_ sorry! I didn't see you there!" A girl in the seond floor, with a pail in her hands said, innocently as her friends laughed.

She was now dripped with slop and in her hands were her inside shoes, with dirt. Emotionless eyes hiden in long bangs and glasses. Memories of a happy year crumbled in her heart, with the pieces left for someone to let them back together. So she wished for it, for a story like the romance mangas Fuwa would lend her, were the meek and weak heroine -weak, as if tired and _just can't take it anymore_ type, was saved by someone with a bright smile or a kind heart.

"But I can't let the bright sun see me like this, I don't want my friends to think that I'm worthless, depressed and tired of such a thing. They will laugh at me." A little voice in her head would say.

So she stopped going out with Yukimura- _san_ and Kanzaki- _san_ , to spend time with Akabane in a laboratory. Ignore the calls and messages from Nagisa- _san_ and Tomohito- _san -_ who she wasn't so close with, anyway. And she stopped, also, going to the karaoke with everyone. Bottle the feelings up, drown yourself.

Just like that, she thought as she maked her way through to the girls bathroom to clean herself a little, everything would be fine.

Right?


	5. 『 Calendula 』

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itona puts walls.

Itona doesn't know how he feels, how he should feel. He just lets the things accumulate in his chest and then close them up, like a bottle of soda with gas bubbles -he could heard the _friizz_ sound if he closed his eyes each time. When his father wanted him to go home (with a parental figure, without the bloodlust and the want of power), he cries. He cries because he can't help it, there's a voice and a memory and then the tear with a confusing head maked him feel dizzy and lost.

There where still times when a voice, loud and clear in his head, would tell him that his father was the one who abandoned him and he should crush him. With that, there was also the feeling of tentacles running around his neck and squeezing it. Those times, he could feel again. He could feel the fear in the top of his fingers and in the way his Adam's apple moved when he swallowed saliva, the sadness in his eyes when he looked at himself in the mirror-when season changed around him and he was growing taller and mature.

But his relationship with his dad- _his father_ , didn't change from winter.

He was the one at fault, because he didn't and couldn't trust. His trust was crushed down when he was abandoned and left alone to the cruel part of the world, to be torn apart by Shiro and experiments that shoulnd't have done never. He blamed himself to put the walls, but he also blamed his father for the same things. He would wonder, though, sometimes, how could be a life where they both didn't have any kind of problem and where just a normal family, him smiling widely and his father teaching him the science and the different engines or mabybe just a modest dinner just the two of them.

"That's bullshit and you know it" Terasaka would say, even though they didn't go in the same path anymore -each one of the gang in differents schools, they would see at least twice a week in Muramatsu's ramen shop. ", maybe he shouldn't have done that, but he wants a redemption. Didn't we do the same to you?"

"It's not the same, I dind't betray you, just showed as an enemy, idiot." Itona had tought about it, but it didn't feel right just accepting his father in. Since Korosensei's death, even if he didn't know what he was feeling, he started to let thing go around and happen all the same. So, just as always, he was doing the same with his father. "Maybe I want him to fight more for me." He mumbled, not loudly so that anyone could hear him. It was... personal.

With the weeks he understood, as he watched his father talk about work in the dinner table (they didn't eat together because of the father's work) with a exhausted smile that he wanted a home. One with a loving dad that he _could_ call dad and a mother that escaped long ago and him. Where he could be himself and no storms could forme in his head about confusing emotional situations. He wanted a home.

"Hey, father" he called, without thinking. "you are not overdoing yourself for me, right?" his tone was neutral and so was his face. But his stomach was were the heart should be and this one in the place of the brain and so fort. He called that being nervious, so he didn't look up from the table.

"Ah," there was a hand that was in his shoulder in an instant, it was warm. "no, not really. Why?" And he could hear the smile -always gentle and caring in touch. He wanted a home but he still wasn't going to forgive his dad just yet. Maybe little by little, like baby steps, one at a time. His yellow eyes looked everywhere in the dark room (with just a little hope illuminting).

"Nothing important."


End file.
